Dear Soldier: A Steamy Standalone Instalove Romance Page 6

  “What?” Her eyebrows shoot up. “I don’t understand. You know I’m saying I don’t think I can – you know – tonight, not right away? I need some time… to get ready, if that makes sense?”

  My manhood pulses at her words, my helm grinding roughly against the fabric of my underwear. My seed tries to throw a mutiny, sending tension surging up and down my shaft, roaring at me to bend her over and spank her round ass until she’s lust-red, and then slide into her wet hole and let her worry about being ready later.

  But somehow I beat back that savage part of me and offer a nod. “Yes, I understand. And I want to talk about it. But it’s damn difficult to focus when you’re sitting there like a meal just waiting to be eaten. I think I have to… yeah, fuck, this pains me, Zoey, this pains me a hell of a lot. But I’m going to have to let you get dressed.”

  I turn away and pace to the other end of the room.

  Her giggles fill the air musically. “You can’t look at me as I get dressed?”

  “No,” I growl, chuckling despite the tension moving through me. “If I do, I won’t be able to stop myself from tearing off your clothes the second you put them on. Covering up a body like yours, a sweet perfect body, it’s a goddamn crime.”

  She giggles again, the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. “Okay, I’ll try to be quick.”

  I wasn’t joking when I told her I wouldn’t be able to stop myself. As I listen to her moving around the bedroom, picking up her clothes, my body roars out at me to spin and leap across the room, palm her perfect childbearing hips and slide my hands around to her perfect ass.

  That’s it, the truth I can’t ignore anymore…

  This woman was made to give me the family I never knew I wanted.

  The fact that she’s a virgin is simply too perfect.

  The fact that a random letter brought us together is the cherry on the goddamn pie.

  I’ve never believed in fate, but with her, I just might.

  “Zack.”

  I turn to find her back in her waitress’s uniform, but this time she’s not wearing tights or a bra. She must have no idea how tantalizing she looks with her breasts shaped in the shirt, her pert nipples poking through the fabric, with her reddened thighs fully on display.

  “Better?” she asks, with that shy-yet-sassy quirk of her lips, a just-Zoey expression that drives me crazy.

  “I’ll survive,” I growl.

  I’m not so sure of that, truthfully, but I guess if I make sure to look anywhere else but at her perfect body I might have a shot.

  “So are you going to explain what you meant?” she murmurs. “How does my being a virgin make you want me more?”

  I stalk across the room to her, glancing briefly at her paintings which are stacked against the wall. She really is insanely talented, her paintings evoking so much emotion that even a cold hearted bastard like me feels a tremor at them.

  Hell…

  I was cold hearted until my lady came along.

  Taking her face in my hands, I lean down to kiss her again. I didn’t plan on doing this but the temptation is far too potent when we’re standing this close together, as though her body is a magnet and I’m pure metal.

  She makes an adorable surprised whimpering noise when I bring my face close to hers, gasping through the tight press of our lips. I snarl through the kiss and slide my hands around her hips, unable to stop myself from moving down to her ass, squeezing indulgently as I sink my fingers into her made-to-be-grabbed flesh.

  I break off the kiss with an effort. “Fuck, you’re so damn addictive, Zoey.”

  She bites her lips and moans quietly. It’s a moan that goes right to my center, triggering things I never thought a man like me could experience. It goes deep and whirls around me like a force of nature, making my chest pound hotly, with primal force.

  “I need to explain something,” I tell her. “And I should warn you. It’s going to sound insane.”

  “Okay…”

  She drums her fingers against her leg, causing my gaze to snap to her bare thigh.

  “But not here,” I say, voice shivering as I drink in the sight of her naked skin, as my mind throws up a thousand scenarios involving her thick gorgeous thighs. “If we stay in this bedroom, I won’t be able to help myself.”

  She shakes her head, letting out a strange laugh, as we walk out to the living room. We walk down the hallway and stand in the center of the lounge together, the room feeling massive as it always does.

  “What is it?” I ask.

  “What?” she counters, with that twitching smile that triggers so much obsession in me I can hardly take it.

  “Don’t what me.” I grin like a wolf, baring my teeth. “The way you shook your head just now… what is it, you don’t believe me when I call you beautiful?”

  Her eyes widen a fraction as though I’ve just struck at the very heart of the issue. “No, not really. I mean… I don’t think you’re lying, so I guess that’s not exactly right. It’s more that I’m not used to being called beautiful. I’ve never had much attention from men, boys… any, really. And now you come into my life, this handsome older man, and look at you, Zack.”

  I chuckle. “What about me?”

  “You could have anyone. But you’re saying you want me. You’re saying I’m beautiful—”

  “Not just beautiful,” I growl, cutting her off. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on. You’re an angel, Zoey. A sexy-as-fuck angel, but an angel all the same. Nobody ever showed you any attention? Good. I’m sorry if it sucked for you, but it’s good for me. Because it means no bastard has ever got to see you whimper like you did for me, has never got to feel how voluptuous and captivating your body is.”

  Her eyes widen again but with a different emotion this time.

  “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

  I dart my hand forward and grab hold of her wrist, guiding her hand to my manhood and press it down firmly. She whimpers as I grind her hand up and down my length. She squeezes down for a moment.

  “You’re so hard,” she whispers, her voice awe-filled.

  “Of course I am.” I take a step back before I lose control. “My body knows how badly I need you, how important it is for us to be together.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I kiss her again, unable to stop myself, not that I want to stop myself. I kiss her roughly on the lips, pressing our faces close together, feeling the way she softens and flowers for me. She kisses me back in that nervous way of hers, with confidence flaring beneath each twitching movement.

  “I mean I’m going to fuck your virgin pussy and put a baby inside of you,” I growl, breaking off the kiss but keeping our faces close, our lips touching. “I mean I’m so damn grateful you left your address on that letter because it led me to you. And you, Zoey, goddamn… you’re the woman I’ve been waiting my whole life for. I’ve never believed in fate. I’ve seen too much, lived too much to indulge crazy thoughts like that. But you’ve changed my mind.”

  I break off, smoothing hair from her face, which is fast becoming one of my favorite things to do. Mainly it’s because of the way she tilts her head toward the movement, as though hungry to maintain the closeness for as long as possible.

  I understand exactly where she’s coming from.

  I’m going to make sure we stay close together for the rest of our lives.

  Chapter Eleven

  Zoey

  “You belong to me, Zoey,” he goes on, with his hand pressed close to my face.

  I reach up and press on the back of his hand, pushing his palm into my cheek, feeling the tingles of the moment dance up and down my skin. Big parts of me want to rail against his declaration, calling him a liar, telling him there’s no way he can possibly mean what he’s saying.

  But when I look into his glinting azure eyes, I read the truth there.

  He means it. He really freaking means it.

  “Belong?” I ask, hardly able to force the words out past
my rising emotion.

  “Yes,” he snarls. “As in… I fucking own you now. Everything you are, everything you’re going to become, I own it. And you own me. We belong to each other. For the rest of our lives, we’re going to be fused together. I told you this would sound crazy, but I can’t hold it back anymore.”

  He breaks off with a chuckle, shaking his head, and I feel a smile spreading with heavenly heat across my face, making my cheeks tingle.

  “I say anymore like it’s been weeks, but it’s only been hours. How are you doing this to me, Zoey?”

  “I was about to ask you the same thing.” Pushing past the shyness that tries to stomp down on the moment, I reach up and place my hands on his shoulders, squeezing tightly. “Everything you’ve said, Zack, it’s…”

  I trail off. Apparently, I’m not as confident as I like to think.

  “What?” he snarls. “Tell me, Zoey. You don’t have to be shy or feel ashamed with me.”

  “Wow, are you a mind reader?” I giggle, shaking my head.

  “I can read you,” he says.

  A memory strikes me.

  Jerry, saying the exact same thing.

  I push it away, but not before Zack notices. He wasn’t lying when he said he can read me.

  “Is it him?” Zack growls.

  I make to tell him, no, but then Zack leans even closer, his breath whispering across my cheeks.

  “Whatever we become, however, we grow, we always have to be honest with each other. Always, Zoey. Honesty with each other is the most important thing.”

  “I know.” I nod as the sense of his words crashes into me. “I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea. Because I’m not saying you two are the same or anything.”

  He lets out a sigh and now it’s my turn to read him.

  “You thought I’d think that?” I ask, some unplanned sharpness in my voice.

  He smirks. “Have I told you how much I enjoy it when you get sassy?”

  I glare at him, but it’s difficult not to allow a smile to ruin the effect. “I mean it. What you said, just reminded me of something he said once. But you two are nothing alike.”

  “I know that,” he growls. “But there was something…”

  “Nah uh.” I giggle as I give his shoulder a harder squeeze. “You’ve been doing that all evening.”

  “Doing what?” he says with a chuckle.

  “You’ll start saying something and then just leave it hanging there, letting my overactive mind dream up what you might’ve been thinking. It’s really, honestly infuriating.”

  “Oh, yeah?” He laughs again. “Then maybe I’ll keep…”

  “No,” I yell, joining in with his laughter. “What were you going to say?”

  He loops his arms around me, hugging me close, leaning down, and laying his lips against the top of my head. The gesture is so intimate like we’re already becoming a couple.

  “I was worried that if I told you how I feel, you’d get freaked out. Because let’s face it, it’s crazy. And that pervert Jerry said similar things to you.”

  “But that’s the thing,” I say passionately. “I feel the same. About belonging to each other, about having a family together… it would’ve seemed crazy to me a couple of days ago. But the second I looked at your photo in that charity booth, I felt it.”

  “What?” he whispers, voice gruff, gazing hard down at me.

  “Us. Our future. Everything we could be. I thought I was going crazy.”

  He smirks, nodding knowingly. “That makes two of us.”

  The moment is interrupted by the shrill ringing of my cellphone’s alarm. I let out a sigh, the same way I always do when that alarm goes off.

  Zack tilts his head at me, curiosity written across his features. “What is it? Bad news?”

  “No… Well, yes, sort of.”

  I walk through the apartment, back into the bedroom where the alarm is blaring. I set it to its loudest mode so that I never forget it, even if I want to forget it and pretend tomorrow doesn’t exist. I take my phone from the bedside table and switch it off, turning to Zack with a shaky smile.

  I’m not even sure where the smile comes from. It’s like it springs up from a place deep inside of me, oblivious of the circumstances. I’m sure that with Zack at my side I could smile whilst standing on a shore with a tsunami crashing toward me, with a gun to my head, and needles prodding my feet.

  I’ve never felt anything like this before, something so huge and possessing and right. It’s like all the love that’s possible for a person to feel is bubbling up inside of me.

  I try to stomp down on that word.

  Love.

  It has no place here, surely, after only knowing him for a few hours.

  But I can’t dismiss it completely, no matter how foolish I should find it. Zack hasn’t just opened doors inside of me. He’s kicked them down, forcefully smashed his foot through my inner defenses, and exposed a whole new world.

  “It’s the alarm I set to remind myself to get my work stuff ready,” I tell Zack, who’s still looking at me with that inquisitive look on his face, as though he’s waiting for me to explain.

  His smirk falters and he reaches forward, looping one arm around my waist and waving his free hand at the room in general. “What did I say? You can stay here rent free until you’ve figured out what to do next. Hell, Zoey, the way things are going with us you’ll never need to pay rent again.”

  I gasp at his words, the force of them punching into me like a promise.

  Looking around the room, I can’t deny how tempting it is.

  There’s an ensuite with sleek marble surfaces, a shower that is about a hundred times less grimy than mine – not that that’s difficult – and the bed looks plump and inviting with its silk sheets. The window overlooks the city and everything in here is so spacious, it’s easy for me to imagine setting up a miniature studio for my painting.

  “I don’t want to go to the diner,” I murmur. “But the thing is, I said I would go. My dad was really, really big on not going back on your word once you gave it. It’s one of the things I admired most about him. I’ve always tried to stick to that in my own life, to honor his memory, I guess.”

  Zack nods in understanding. “My old man was the same.”

  “Was?” I ask, unable to stop my voice from catching as I ask this too-forward question.

  “He died when I was in my early twenties,” Zack explains. “Cancer.”

  “And your mom?”

  He sighs, shaking his head. “She died giving birth to me. I was a goddamn hypocrite before when I told you that you couldn’t blame yourself for what happened to your parents. I’ve spent a lot of time blaming myself… and not just for that.”

  My heart quivers at his words, willing me to ask him more questions, willing me to ask him just exactly what he blames himself for other than his mother’s death. His eyes – normally so bright, so stark – seem to darken for a moment as he bites down.

  “You know what I’m going to say, don’t you?” I place my hand on his chest, squeezing down to feel his irrepressible muscles. “It’s not your fault. You said I was a kid when my parents died. You said that I couldn’t be held responsible. Well, you were a freaking baby. So surely you can say the same for yourself?”

  He tightens his grip on my hip, pulling me even closer to him. There’s no space between us at all now, letting me feel how his lust flames even when we’re talking about such macabre things. His manhood is a solid rod against my belly, telling me with certainty what he’d be willing to do if I only gave him the signal.

  My body screams at me to tell him now, now, now, to tell him I’m ready.

  But the truth is I’m not. The truth is terror slithers through me whenever I think about opening my legs and confidently telling my man to thrust inside of me.

  The nervousness is a different breed to the type I normally feel. This comes from not wanting to disappoint him, but from knowing I’m bound to disappoint him if I act upon
the desires working their way inexorably through me.

  “I know. You’re right. Of course, I know that.”

  “But knowing it and feeling it are two different things,” I murmur from experience.

  “Exactly.” He nods. “But don’t change the subject. We need to talk about this work madness. Really, Zoey, there’s no need. I know you said you want to keep your word once you give it, but things have changed. What’s to stop Jerry from showing up?”

  I bite my lip, knowing he’s right. The thought of Jerry popping up at the diner sets my nerves ablaze in a wholly different way to the sensations Zack sends surging through me.

  And yet it’s not just my dickhead boss, Clive, I’d be letting down.

  “I promised Lyla I’d cover her shift,” I say quietly. “She’s a single mom and her kid is sick at the moment. Believe me, Zack, I don’t want to go there any more than you want me to. But I can’t let her down like that. Maybe…”

  “What?” he urges.

  I can barely dare to think about it, let alone say it. I’ve dreamed of quitting the diner and focusing on my art for so long, and now here it is, the chance I’ve dreamed of.

  “Maybe I can tell Clive I’m going to quit, but give him time to find somebody else? Then I wouldn’t have to feel guilty about bailing and leaving the other staff members to cover for me.”

  Zack leans in, kissing the edge of my mouth. I surprise myself when I turn to catch his lips, returning the kiss with even more force, moaning through the closeness as our bodies try to take over, as my body tries to make me do what my mind knows would be a mistake.

  At least tonight. At least after everything that’s happened.

  But then do I really think I’m going to be magically ready tomorrow?

  “You’re going to make an incredible mother,” he growls, sending warmth cascading welcomingly through me. “You’re so damn caring. The way your voice softened just then, the way you care so much about your colleagues…” He smirks. “It’s almost enough to make a cold hearted prick like me smile.”

  “You don’t seem cold hearted to me,” I tell him.

  “That’s because you’ve changed me,” he snarls. “But believe me, Zoey, before you came along I was about as cold as they come. And I will be again if anybody tries to threaten you. If Jerry tries to hurt you, I’ll be as cold as I need to be to end his fucking life… if it comes to that.”